NEVER Ask Anyone Their Opinion Again!

 

Why other people's opinions don't matter and how they can actually be harmful...

I feel very fortunate that I learned this lesson at an early age.  When I was about 18 years old, I realized that other people’s opinions didn’t matter and I quit asking people what they thought about my ideas (which have always been a bit outlandish).  That doesn’t mean that others are not knowledgeable and may have great insight to share, but the key is to differentiate between opinions and information.

If you have a dream in your heart and in your mind, it no longer matters what ANYONE else thinks of it.  Have you ever been really excited about a dream, goal or idea you have only to have that energy sucked right out of you by someone telling you that they thinks it’s a dumb idea or that you’d never be able to achieve it?  It is human nature to knock someone’s ideas or dreams.  Sometimes it’s because they fear you will fail and want to save you from that pain, but most of the time it comes from a place of jealousy… because they were too scared to go after their own dreams or maybe because they fear that you will succeed and leave them behind.   Either way, it’s not worth having their negativity weighing you down… life has enough obstacles to deal with.

 

So... rather than asking someone their opinion, ask them informational questions only.  For example,
when I was 22 years old, I wanted to buy a motor home and drive it from Oregon down through Mexico to my windsurfing destinations… just me, my dog and the open road.  If I had asked people what they thought, the majority would have said that I was a crazy and not to do it.  Well, I already knew I was crazy (enough), so what I really needed to do was gather INFORMATION that would help me determine whether I could pull it off or not.  I started asking people (all kinds of people) questions like, “Where is a good place to buy a used motor home?”  “What paperwork are needed to take a dog across the border?” “Where can I get insurance that would cover me in Mexico?”  What are the best driving routes?” etc…

Once I gathered the answers to all these questions, I was able to determine that I would indeed be able to safely and successful drive and live in my motor home around Mexico… it turned out to be one of the best times of my life!!!

It takes some time and practice to only ask informational questions, but eventually you will get so good at knowing the difference you will either stop the person from sharing their “opinion” and be able to turn it into an informational conversation, or you will simply learn to ignore that part of the
conversation.
Here's how you can get yourself into the routine of being an information gathering machine and an opinion deflector:  
1. Identify a goal or dream that you have for yourself.  Maybe it will be going back to school, moving, taking a trip or changing careers.
2. Make a list of all the questions and concerns you have around this idea.
3. Go through your list and write down how to ask these questions in an informational format.  You can even go so far as to think about how someone might try to answer a question with their opinion and how you can change the conversation so they are only giving you info.
4. Like anything, practice makes perfect, so practice a little everyday (where to go for lunch, should you email someone back, what to wear, what new phone to buy, etc...).  Pretty soon it will be second nature to converse this way and trust me, it will save you years of heartache and anguish.

If you have any INFORMATIONAL questions I can answer for you... please let me know :) kasten@sophisticatedrebel.com

Diana Costain

November 2015 Featured Sophisticated Rebel - Diana Costain

Diana Costain

I have never been one to be awe struck by others and their accomplishments, but the day I met Diana Costain at an event for entrepreneurs, I literally turned to her and said, "I want to be like you when I grow up!"  She was embodied everything that felt defined success... owned several businesses, financially free, beautiful, healthy, happy, smart, approachable, helpful, fun and adventurous!!   Little did I know, she would become one of my dearest friends, confidants and mentors.  I am honored to feature her as this months Sophisticated Rebel and share her inspirational story with you.  

Diana was born and raised in Vancouver BC, Canada.  The early years of her life were not easy, her father was incredibly abusive (he especially enjoyed beating her on her Birthday)... after showing up at school with bruises from head to toe, child protective services stepped in, removed her from her parents and put her into a foster home.  Foster care did not to turn out to be any less traumatic... her foster father choked and raped her and told her she had to call him "dad".  Diana ran away figuring she would be much better off on her own. When CPS found her, however, they threatened that if she continued to run away from foster care that she would be put into a women's detention facility until she turned 18.  This is when Diana's heart filled with hatred.  She was determined not to return to foster care and convinced CPS that she would stay in school and get a job.  Diana was 15 years old and completely on her own.

Typically these types of challenges lead to a life of bad choice and continued cycles of abuse,  but not for Diana, she had her eyes set on greater things and used these challenges to fuel her.

Her accomplishments are nothing short of incredible, including several "firsts" for a woman.

Diana was the first female to have a paper route (an entrepreneur from the beginning).  

She was one of the first female stock brokers in British Columbia and was the first woman to stand on the floor of the Vancouver stock exchange.

Diana was the founding share holder in the largest all cash software deal in B.C. 
She hosted and produced a weekly radio show called, "The Art of Investing" and was a frequent guest investor on a show similar to Shark Tank... 
All of this while raising her two daughters BY HERSELF!

Diana with her two daughters and granddaughters

Diana now lives in Phoenix Arizona where she owns and runs a commercial real estate investment company, she is an active investor in other companies, is an integral part of the business community, a doting grandmother and  a member of a water ski club.  She is inviting, supportive, driven and loyal and the world is a better place because of her.  I hope you all get the chance to meet Diana Costain one day.  In the mean time, I grabbed a few minutes of her time to ask her some of the questions I figured we could all learn from. 

Me: "What is the biggest struggle you've overcome?"
Diana: "Learning to believe in myself, it's very hard to accomplish anything in life if you don't believe in yourself."

Me: "What have been your biggest motivators?"
Diana: "When I was in my 20's I was motivated by anger and revenge.  My motivation came from wanting to prove to all the people that said I couldn't do it and wouldn't amount to anything, that they were wrong.  Over the years that has changed a lot, once I realized that it didn't matter what those people thought of me the anger and revenge faded.  What motivates me know is learning to find a better way to do things and then sharing that knowledge with others."

Me: "What are you most proud of?"
Diana: "My independence, the ability to no longer need approval from others... I no longer care what others think of me."  "What others think of me is none of my business" she chuckles.

Me: "What advice would you give to other women?"
Diana: "Stop looking to other people and external things for your happiness, look internally and take responsibility for your own happiness.  Remove the "if" from you inner dialogue (if we had more money, if we lived closer, if the schools were better, if only ______ then I would be happy." 


Me: "If you could go back in time, is there anything you would do different?"
Diana: "Nothing... my experiences (all of them), made me who I am today.  I am proud of who I am and really like myself, so I wouldn't change a thing."

Me: "What goals do you have for the future?"
Diana: "I was always way more afraid of success than I ever was of failure, now I am ready to embrace success, be crystal clear on what I want and accept things as they come.  I am working of focusing my energy on what I want rather than what I don't want."

Me: "How would you define a Sophisticated Rebel?"
Diana: "Someone who is strong, determined, an independent thinker, has charisma, is focused and most of all doesn't give a damn... does things their own way."

Me: "Is there anything you'd like to see SoReb (the company) do?"
Diana: "No, I love the name, what you stand for and everything you are doing... I can't wait to see what is coming in the future!"

Diana and me (Kasten Spethmann co-founder of Sophisticated Rebel)

Diana is an incredible role model for women everywhere... you will never find her cutting other women down, instead you will find her building them up and helping them find their own strength.  She is truly a Sophisticated Rebel.

By Kasten Spethmann
www.sophisticatedrebel.com

OUR LIPSTICK HELPS BUILD SCHOOLS, WHAT DOES YOURS DO?

Sophisticated Rebel has always been more than a cool lipstick… SO MUCH MORE!

We believe that every business should have 3 elements to be considered successful.  

1. A company should provide an excellent product or service.

2. A company should make A LOT of money (if not, it should be a non-profit).

3. A company should use its success to improve the community around them (whether locally or globally). 

  

It should use its social leverage (social media reach and voice) to bring awareness, educate, encourage, promote & praise those that are already doing the things to create change.  It should ALSO use its success to financially support organizations that are in the trenches daily doing the work to make the world a better place.  Companies like Tom's Shoes and  Warby Parker are great examples of companies that are already doing this.

The third element is why we created "Rebel with a Cause", a non-profit fund that grants money to charities that embody the sophisticated rebel spirit.   A portion of our profits go into the fund and that money is then granted to charities through an application process.

  

The charities might be organizations that are providing scholarships for girls who want to study engineering, protecting women in countries where their safety is threatened daily,  a group that promotes positive body images, anti bullying, etc…  The example I often use is Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani girl who was shot for trying to get an education and is now helping other girls get educated.

RWAC has been a part of Sophisticated Rebel since its inception.  We wanted a business that would provide a vehicle that could do big things to help women.  Lipstick seems like such a perfect fit… it is the cornerstone of what women wear to feel feminine.

There are a lot of women that would love to be able to help women and girls that are less fortunate, but they often don’t have the time or financial means to do so.

Now millions of women can help others around the world by simply buying a lipstick (and a pretty darn cool one too).

I invite women everywhere to join our tribe, buy some lipstick and be part of a movement that is changing the world!!

~ Kasten

How Custom Engraving Comforted a Grieving Widow

One of our first customers and biggest supporters is a wonderful lady named Lauralee Finke (she also happens to be my cousin-in-law).  Earlier this year, her ailing father's health took a turn for the worse and it was evident he only had a few days to live.  Lauralee rushed to the hospital in Nevada to be by his side with the rest of her family.

At one point Lauralee took out her Forever Blade and began to apply her lipstick... her stepmom quickly asked, "what is that?" Lauralee explained that it was a Stainless steel, refillable lipstick applicator that Andreas's (her late husband) cousin (me) invented.  She explained that it was flat so it fit in her pocket and that she had the company engrave her name on the side.  Her stepmom loved it and commented that she wanted to order one for herself.  Lauralee figured she would be too busy dealing with the loss of her husband to order a blade and had planned to order it for her as a Birthday gift.

Well within a few weeks we (Sophisticated Rebel) got an order from the stepmom (Michelle).  I didn't know anything about what had happened in the hospital, so I reached out to Lauralee and told her that her stepmom had just ordered a Forever Blade.  I mentioned that Michelle didn't order any engraving and asked if there was a special nickname her dad had for Michelle that I could engrave on it for her.  Lauralee told me how her Dad would always greet Michelle by saying, "Helllllooooooo Baaaaaaabbbbby"... so that was what I engraved on her applicator!  Before shipping the order, I wrote Michelle a not explaining how I knew what to engrave and that I hoped that every time she applied her lipstick, that she thought about her late husband (John) giving her a kiss.

I later heard that when Michelle received her order, she was speechless over the engraving and note.  Although she said it made her cry every time she looked at it, she assured me they were tears of joy and that it made her feel as though her husband was right there with her every time she put on her lipstick. She is THRILLED that it is refillable because she takes it with her every where she goes and says she will cherish it until the day she meets the lover of her life in Heaven!  

Custom engraving does more than make each Forever Blade personal and unique... it has the power to keep the memory of a loved one alive, to help a sweetie express how much they fell about their significant other, or to have a motivational or inspirational message close by as a reminder...  It has the power to do any or all of things every time someone applies their lipstick!!

What would you have engraved on your Forever Blade?? 

Log onto the site to see some examples of what our customers have had us engrave on their Forever Blades: http://sophisticatedrebel.com/pages/gallery

When I learned to become a Sophisticated Rebel

It was the summer of 1989, I was about to enter my junior year of high school in Portland Or. and I was dreading it!  I was so bored of high school… I had gotten good grades, but I hated being there and all I wanted to do was surf (yes, surf)… I spent my days that summer plotting my rebellion.

Once I felt I had a good plan, I went to my parents (both of whom immigrated to the US from Germany) and told them I was done with school and that I was planning to move to Southern California so I could surf every day.  When my father asked how I had planned to make a living and support myself, I was able to quickly answer (due to what I thought was great planning), “I am going to have a bbq and bento stand and sell lunch at the beach!”  Almost in unison my parents replied with a resounding, “We immigrated to this country to you could have a better life… you WILL finish high school and you WILLfinish college!!”

There is absolutely nothing good that comes from arguing with German parents, so I went back to plotting other alternatives for getting out of school (two other very German traits are stubbornness and rebelliousness – and I have both).   I realized that if I wanted to accomplish my goal, I had to find a smart, productive, positive way to rebel… a “sophisticated” way.

I ended up doubling up on classes (going in early, staying late, etc) and testing out of other classes.  Half way through my junior year I had enough credits to graduate AND I had a 4.0 grade point average.  There wasn’t much my parents could say against that.  I got what I wanted – out of high school – and they got what they wanted, graduate with honors.  It was that experience that sparked the Sophisticated Rebel in me and I’ve been breaking rules and doing things my own way ever since!

I LOVE Lipstick!

Hi, I’m Kasten and first welcome to Sophisticated Rebels.   Let me get this out of the way now…

I love lipstick.  I do.  I’ve been a fanatical collector since I can remember.  Back then I was windsurfing for a living, the sun, wind and waves would reek havoc on my skin, especially my lips.   I looked for products that could heal my lips instead of turning them into prunes but I could only afford cheap brands sold in drugstores, and so the hunt continued.   On my birthday my friend gave me a Tom Ford lipstick and I cherished that square monster.  I call it that because it wouldn’t fit into any clutch I owned but the lipstick inside – OMG – it was worth all the hassle lugging it around.  When it ran out, I wanted another one – my lips wanted one even worse – and that’s when I found out it was a whopping fifty two bucks!  For lipstick??  That’s when I started researching how lipstick is made because I figured if I couldn’t afford the best, maybe I could gather the right ingredients and whip up some for myself.  I mean I’m pretty good in the kitchen when I actually cook.  I found out two things really quick – it’s not as easy as making walnut brownies but it’s also not as expensive as I imagined.  Sure, the ingredients in a Tom Ford or a Dior are some the highest quality on the planet but even still, they only account for a small fraction of that heart stopping price.  What I’d really be paying for if I wanted more of that  To-Die-Forlipstick, is the NAME of course – but also that damn inconvenient square monster with the pretty gold foil.  So I started creating my own top tier formulas and yet I still had this nagging question that became an obsession –  How can a girl have the very best lipstick without paying for awesome packaging that ends up in a landfill anyway?  

You know how they say if you visualize something long enough things will align to make them happen?

I met Frank, my future partner, at a convention for Entrepreneurs.  He had this crazy concept of a Swiss Army Knife for women and had no idea then how tough that would be to pull off.  His only real experience with makeup was carrying around his wife’s products in his pockets because she didn’t want to carry a bag when they were out. Then he showed me some of the art he had done on what the “blades” might look like and it hit me like a BRICK – like when peanut butter smashed into chocolate and Buttercup’s were born!  This was the answer I was looking for – the perfect applicator for my dreampremium lipstick. We partnered up and formed Sophisticated Rebel and our history is still being written.  Log onto our sitewww.sophisticatedrebel.com and see what we’ve come up with!

My take from all this is to never quit on a goal, a vision or a grand concept even when you don’t possess all the skills to make it happen.  If you align yourself for success, you’ll be keenly aware when opportunity walks right into your life.

Thanks for listening!

Kasten